Story Time: Pre-Op Testing Day

Instead of backposting my dates, I'm going to post my surgery story as I have time.  Hope that works for y'all.

 
Well, as (I think) previously mentioned, my mother and I were on a clear liquid diet starting Saturday before our Tuesday surgery.  Clear liquids being pretty much just what it sounds like.  Any clear liquid.  In the case of two Type-II diabetics though, the honey and maple syrup were not options to flavor our broth.
 
This diet gave me a monster headache that first day.  I had to go get myself some Tylenol (as that was the only doc approved painkiller) so I could sleep on the flight to San Diego.  Also got some little jello cups to snack on as I highly doubted the airplane meal would fit the clear liquid diet.
 
Arrived in San Diego just fine and dandy, almost enjoying our cups of broth and jello, now that we discovered we had a working little freezer in our mini-fidge, we got some sugar-free popsicles to savor as well.
 
Here comes Monday morning.  I'm excited and nervous all at once.  I load my backpack with books and music to keep me busy because the paperwork said the day of pre-op testing would be long and full of downtime.  We get to the doctor's office a half hour before they open and head back downstairs and outside where we notice another large lady waiting, with a plastic baggy of books and snacks.  We introduce ourselves and ask if she's here for Dr. Wittgrove.  She is Pam. She's first on the surgery list tomorrow.  Pam is our surgery sister, Yay!
 
Finally, 8:30 rolls around and we head upstairs along with some other large ladies of various sizes. 
 
The  office opens and its a beautifully decorated office.  I'm first to the front counter and get my paperwork to fill out.  Pretty soon, all the couches are filled up with other women and their friends/family. 
 
As is my nature, I filled out my sheets and turned my whole packet in first.  Yay competitive nature!  Then I wait.
 
I wait some more.
 
My mother and I wait as every other person in the room is called in and taken back, then sent to some other office for testing.
 
Finally at about 10:30 my mother is called in, I keep waiting.
 
She comes out, and tells me she's going to go get an EKG.
 
I wait some more.  And during all this wait time, did I read the books I had packed.  No.  I read, cover to cover, every single issue of People Magazine in that lobby.  I listened to music once I got tired of listening for my name to be called.  I studied the curve-laden interior design of the office. 
 
Finally my name is called and I go back with a cute skinny girl in scrubs.  She takes my blood pressure, my temperature,  my weight, my body fat levels, and then my picture.  I go back out to the lobby and get my instructions to go down to Dr. Hiser's office. 
 
In the good Dr. Hiser's office there is a scary looking blonde nurse at the front desk.  My mother is there waiting.  I feel like I'm in some kinda weird race.  I wait some more.
 
Mom gets called in, and then comes out.  I get called in.
 
I sit in a little room with copies of Van Goghs on the wall.  Yay Van Gogh!
I am instructed to take off my shirt and bra and move my skirt to below my belly.  I do this, and put in a robe that's a little too tight.  The velcro keeps popping off.
 
Nurse comes back in, attaches electrode stickers all over my chest.  Tries to attach the electrode cords and all the stickers start peeling off.  So, the stickers get reinforced with tape.  Finally, all wired up, I'm told to hold very very still.  First EKG reading doesn't work. So, I have to hold very very very still, and it takes.  I get dressed and wait some more.
 
Dr. Hiser comes in.  A good looking SoCal type.  He says my EKG is normal.  We talk about my diabetes, my thyroid problems, and then about his son's desire to go into the film industry.  Finally, after a nice conversation that referenced Joseph Campbell, I'm on my way back upstairs.
 
My mum is there waiting.
 
At this point we start talking to Trish.  She's having the surgery on Wednesday.  She wants to start writing screen plays, so I talk to her about that, we exchange emails, and I feel like I've made a new friend.
 
Trish gets called in. 
  
Mom falls asleep and we wait.
 
Mom wakes up and we talk to a nice lady named Valerie who had the surgery done three weeks earlier.  Like everyone we've talked to in this office, she's a sweetheart who is ecstatic for us.  Give me good feelings.
 
Finally, the nurse comes out and asks if we want to see the doctor together or separately, we say in unison, "together," as we are just sick of the waiting.
 
Dr. Wittgrove is a kinda soft-spoken, nice man.  He goes over the surgery again in detail, asks us some questions, answers some questions.  He seems pleased that I've been practicing small sips with my water, and know the pouch rules. The coolest thing I learn in his office was that he uses two basic kinds of staplers.  The straight stapler staples two sides and cuts.  It's used to separate things.  The circular staple is a bit bigger and used to connect things.  The circular one goes in through our lower left side and needs a bit larger incision.  Hence, the left side will probably ache a bit longer.
 
We're sent to separate rooms to strip and put on a gown so he can examine us.  I stare out the window at the beautiful hillside beyond.  Finally, Dr. Wittgrove comes in and asks me a few more questions.  Shows me exactly where the incisions are all going to be.  Give me a breast exam as I stare back out the window going "la la la" in my head.  He pushes my internal organs around, then has me breathe, listens to my heart.  Says, "Alrighty, get dressed and I'll go see your mother now."
 
I go out, peer at my folder, then my mom comes out and we're sent to get some testing done.  Whee!
 
Go downstairs to a much dinkier, dingier office and wait some more.
 
My mom, being the chatty lady she is, makes friends with an old couple and a mexican couple while we wait.
 
Finally, a lady named Tina calls us back.  I think to take my blood and urine. But no.  She just wants money.  Which Dad has, and he's roaming around town. (though, most likely just hangin' at the hotel)  We tell her we REALLY have to go to the bathroom as its heading on close to 4:30 by this point and we haven't gone to the bathroom all day.  So, Tina sends us down to the lab.
 
At the lab, I barely make it in the cup, I have to go so bad.  But, they get their sample, and their blood and we're back upstairs.
 
Dad has arrived with money.  He pays for mom, I give Tina $100. Some other lady hands us some bags with a little breathing tester machine in it, some anti-bacterial soaps, and at about 5:30 we're sent over to Radiology at the hospital (across the parking lot).
 
The radiologist is busy with someone.  So, we get our chest X-Rays done first.  Then we wait some more, but by now, we should be professional people who wait.
 
The radiologist is a nice lady with a Boston accent who gets the joy of smearing jelly on my belly and looking at my insides.  Then, she gets to insert a fun fun fun instrument up inside me and look around some more.  Evidently I have a tilted uterus.  I'll pocket that info and figure out what it means later.  I clean up, head out to wait for the nice Boston Radiologist to finish up with mom, and slurp up two jello-cups and down a bottle of water.  Nothing ever tasted so good in my entire life.
 
Mom's out, and we head back to the office we started in.  It's about 6:30.  We've had a long day, we pay the surgeon and assistants their money (we actually give it to someone else, but we got a receipt so all is good) and are told exactly when we have to be at the hospital the next day.
 
I have to be there at 6:15 am. Mom at 7:15.  The two ladies left in the office can't figure out what took us so damn long to get everything done.  We tell them we waited in their lobby for almost half the day doing nothin' but twiddle our thumbs.  They go, "hmmm."  And we're off to the joys of drinking Magnesium Citrate.
 
Now, my parents have been telling me horror stories of this stuff.  Evidently the last time they drank a bottle of the stuff they didn't know about flavors.  But the cherry flavored Magnesium Citrate was, well, not good, but not bad at all. Kinda tasted like those salty sour worms I used to get at the movies.
 
We drank that, traded places on the toilet for about 3 hours.  Then drank some more water.  Then went to sleep ready for our big day.